Hi! I’m Beth, and welcome to my blog. I don’t really know what to write on this page – I feel like I’m filling in a bio for a dating website.

Well I’m 21, I’m a student in Liverpool, and mental illnesses/disorders basically control my life. Oh and also disability. That’s fun and lighthearted isn’t it.

In all seriousness, I have been controlled by that part of my brain (and my spine but I’ll get into that another time) pretty much for as long as I can remember. Every year I always say the same thing – “this has been the worst year of my life” but then I don’t change anything. So what happens? The following year ends up being worse. I usually sit there and just think that the universe must hate me, or I must’ve been a horrible person in a past life, or I even blame it on my horoscope (sorry I’m that girl who believes in horoscopes). But the reality is my life has been controlled by the evil part of my brain. The part of my brain that says the most horrible things to me. But I’ve never done anything about it. Yeah I’ve been to a couple of doctors, been on a few medications, and seen a few therapists. But I always accepted the fact that I’m “broken”. I accepted the diagnoses of anxiety and depression. But that wasn’t right. I knew there was more, but I never accepted it.

2019 has been both the best and the worst year of my life. Without getting too much into it, I have really struggled this year. But it’s because of that struggle, and the most incredible people around me, that’s helped me find the strength to finally say “there is something the matter with me, but it is fixable. I’m not broken”. That’s when I FINALLY reached out and found the proper help for me. I was diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (AKA Borderline Personality Disorder) and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That was scary to hear, but it was exactly what I needed. I’m finally getting the proper help that I should’ve been getting years ago!

Anyway, I started this blog because I love to write. It’s one of the greatest emotional coping techniques for me. Am I good at it? Definitely not. But I’m still going to do it. As you can see, I’m very open about my personal struggles. I’ve always been an open book about stuff. So I thought I would combine the two. I’ve decided to write about myself because I truly think it might help somebody. I’ve felt so alone because I thought nobody understood me, and I don’t want other people feeling like that. I also want to use this as a learning curve for some people. There’s so many misunderstood or negative assumptions when it comes to mental health. When I told my friends and family about my diagnosis, almost every single one of them replied in the same way – “what’s that?”. All I wanted was for people to understand, but they didn’t. That’s not their fault – it’s because of the lack of information out there. Yeah there’s health websites and a few YouTube videos about it. But where’s the people that actually live with these illnesses? That’s what I want to change.

So yeah, that’s me.

(This isn’t what I write on my Tinder bio don’t worry)